🔮 August 2025 Mistake Forecast

Financial astrology for the economically cursed.

Welcome to your monthly regret horoscope, where poor decisions align with the cosmos. Let the stars (and hindsight) guide you through August’s most likely misfires, emotional expenditures, and perfectly timed disasters.

Disclaimer: These forecasts are not financial advice. They're emotionally accurate instead.

♈ Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Impulse buys peak on August 12. You’ll convince yourself that a $299 productivity bootcamp will “change everything.” It won’t. At least you’ll get a tote bag.

♉ Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20)

Subscription boxes multiply like shame this month. By August 22, you’ll realize you’ve been paying for three meditation apps. You’re still stressed.

♊ Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20)

Crypto tweets lure you in again. “This one’s different,” they say. It isn’t. A -4.7% RIX dip confirms it’s emotionally expensive déjà vu.

♋ Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

A reconciliation text around the 15th will cost you dignity and $85 in brunch. Remember: eggs benedict can’t fix your past.

♌ Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Your attempt at “rebranding” via luxury spending leads to an $800 bill for a photo shoot and no clients. Your personal RIX hits -3.2%.

♍ Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

You’ll create a new Notion board called “Fix My Life” and abandon it by the 10th. Luckily, regret is recyclable.

♎ Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Emotional investments > actual investments. You’ll loan money to someone who “just needs one more launch.” Your ROI is trauma.

♏ Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You will feel called to start a podcast. Resist. Mercury is in retrograde, and you don’t need another mic. Or opinion.

♐ Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

You’ll try to automate your life. One AI tool will charge you monthly until 2027. Your regret? Predictably scripted.

♑ Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Professional coaching? More like expensive venting. You’ll pay $400 to be told you’re “almost there.” You’re not.

♒ Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

You join a mastermind group. Within a week, it devolves into cult-adjacent affirmations and shared burnout. You knew better.

♓ Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Your Etsy cart is full of “intentional” purchases. They arrive broken. You thank them anyway. Emotional RIX: -5.1%

💬 Feel Seen?

Try the Regret Simulator to predict your next facepalm, or visit the RIX Tracker for regret market analysis.